Learning to Use Regret: Studies in the Negative Emotions and How to Use Them

Researchers at Kellogg examine the so called negative emotions: anger, anxiety, boredom, disappointment, fear, guilt, jealousy, and sadness. They wanted to find out whether people believed the negative emotions were beneficial, damaging, or somewhere in between. The team found that regret, like several other negative emotions, was viewed both favorably and unfavorably. People rated regret more favorably than unfavorably. Only jealousy was considered unambiguously negative. Their work shows that regret is a powerful force in human life. Far from being negative, regret is actually recognized by human brains as a positive influence on future behavior. Regret’s important messages can be applied in everything from marketing to decision-making for the future. The respondents stated that regret helped them make future decisions more than other negative emotions. Regret scored the highest of all negative emotions in the five functions of emotion—to help in making sense of the world, avoid future behaviors, gain insight, achieve social harmony, and improve approach. The team examined eleven other studies regarding regret, in which people ranked the parts of life they regret the most. Education was the biggest inducer of regret, followed by career, romance, parenting, the self, and leisure. The rankings turned out to be remarkably consistent across studies of people in different age groups and locations…


View the article

How to Survive in an Unhappy Workplace

When you don't like your job, going to work every day can be a challenge. Your problem might be with a bad manager, that you constantly feel stretched to the breaking point, or that you are resentful about taking a pay cut. Or, the whole environment may just feel toxic. You might need to stay in your job because it provides health benefits, or maybe you're only staying while you look for another position. Whatever your reasons for being unhappy, you need to maintain your professionalism and prevent a bad attitude from sabotaging you. The principles you need to remember: 1. Differentiate between what you can change and what you can't. 2. Take responsibility for making a change. 3. Focus on making the best of a bad situation. 4. Don’t assume nothing will ever change. 2. Don’t allow negative thoughts to rule you. 3. Don’t go it alone…


View the article

Why We Don’t Always Choose Our Favorite Option

If you are like many people, you enjoy chocolate and eat it frequently. That’s okay, you might think. After all, chocolate has antioxidants and it boosts your mood. Although this may be true, it is not the real reason why you eat chocolate: it is just a line of reasoning you follow to feel less guilty about eating something high in fat and sugar. People often rationalize in this way, telling themselves stories of sometimes dubious merit to justify their behavior. A research at Northwest University shows how rationalization—once studied mainly in psychology—impacts choices and can help economists understand why people make decisions that violate standard economic theories…


View the article

How to Get Along With Frenemies

Here are what you should do: 1) stick to the facts; 2) don't take it personally; 3) talk it out; 4) if you can't talk it out, work it out; 5) while you are working it out, spread it out; 6) if all else fail, relax; 7) rinse and repeat…


View the article

An Exercise in Changing Yourself

Even though we feel that we need to change our own behavior times and again, we quickly either push it on the side or forget it all together - after all we are busy all the time. An exercise introduced by a psychologist is simple and proved to be effective…

View the article

Lacking Control and Illusory Perception

You are a caring person and you love to help people when they face difficulties. Then an unexpected episode happened. A person you have helped wholeheartedly became hostile to you out of the blue, accusing you of being exploitative and manipulative – a conspirator all along. “How could you do that to me? I wish I had found it out earlier” the distressed person says while you are shocked by the attack. How could that happen? A very interesting series of research reported on Science recently shed lights on the weird things like this one.


The Researchers first asked people to look at pairs of simple symbols, like the letter “T” inside a circle, and choose which one fit into a group of similar symbols. Some people received no feedback about the correctness of their choices. But in order to instill feelings of powerlessness and a lack of control, other subjects received feedback that was random. Half of their choices were reported to be incorrect, regardless of the choice that was actually made.

The people were then asked how much they agreed or disagreed with statements such as “I enjoy being spontaneous,” and “I like to have a place for everything and everything in its place,” all of which reflected the need for structure in one’s life. The people who received random feedback on the symbol-selection task, who presumably felt very little control over the task, subsequently reported a greater need for structure in their lives.

After performing the symbol-selection task in a second experiment, individuals were asked to look at “snowy” pictures. Half of the pictures were just grainy patterns of random dots. The other half also contained images, such as a chair, a boat, or the ringed planet Saturn, that were faintly visible against the grainy background. While all people correctly identified about 95 percent of the hidden images, the people who received random feedback on the symbol-selection task, whose feelings of control had been eroded, also “saw” images in 43 percent of the pictures that were actually just random scatterings of dots. This illusion occurred significantly more often than it did among the subjects whose feelings of control were left intact during the symbol-selection task.

Finally, the researchers had a group of people write about situations they had experienced. Half of them recalled situations in which they had control, while the other half detailed paralyzing instances in which they had no control. They recounted car accidents caused by others, illnesses to friends and family, even a time when they had “taken some drugs and felt that the ceiling fan was angry at them.” They all then read short stories in which significant outcomes, such as getting one’s idea approved at a business meeting, were preceded by unrelated behaviors, such as stomping one’s feet three times before entering the meeting. People who had initially written about situations in which they had no control expressed greater belief in a superstitious connection between the stories’ simple behaviors and the outcomes that followed. Those people were also more afraid of what might happen if the superstitious behavior was not properly repeated in the future.

This series of research revealed that when a person loses sense of control, they feel a pressing need for structure – certainty, resulting in seeing illusory patterns and expressing greater belief in superstitious connection between irrelevant events. This is similar to a drowning man clutching at a straw. Related research reports showed that, those who feel powerless tend to focus on negative side and it explains why they often perceive elaborative, sinister conspiracy. This is especially devastating to ambivalent and avoidance attachment types. Lacking control leads to illusory pattern perception and illusory pattern perception feeds the lack of control, resulting in a destructive self-reinforcing spiral.

When the powerless become hostile, many people would engage them in an attempt to change their mind. Such an engagement is hardly effective since those, who have “uncovered” the illusory patterns and come to the realization of the “conspiracy,” are firmly convinced that the people around them are bad and dangerous. As we have learnt from the research report, our focus should be the root cause of the problem – what had triggered the loss of control rather than the illusory pattern or the conspiracy they perceive. If relief effort is not effective or communication channel ceases to exist, leave them alone with a cool off period might be a good idea.

In some cases, powerless is due to long-term frustration resulting from difficulties – terrible personal relationships or poor work environment. While illusory perception in those chronic cases is often mild, it can fluctuate with occasional acute escalations.

When helping others, we should keep in mind the importance of confidence development and be aware of potential events which could trigger the loss of sense of control.

Beware the Siren’s Song - Maintain self-control by avoiding temptation

Homer wrote of Odysseus that he was so worried about the allure of the siren’s song, he put wax in his shipmates’ ears and had himself tied to his ship’s mast and, furthermore, erroneous beliefs about one’s capacity for exercising restraint can lead to maladaptive self-control strategies. Unlike that hero of mythology, though, most people overestimate their capacity to control their impulses, according to a researcher at the Kellogg School of Management. His four fascinating studies show that people in a cold, non-impulsive state will overestimate their impulse-control capacity; people in a hot, impulsive state will have a more realistic view of their capacity for impulse control; and people who perceive that they have a high capacity for impulse control will expose themselves to more temptation and will ultimately exhibit more impulsive behavior...


View the article